Years back, I read the book: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It has helped me understand that people can express and receive love differently and how these realities can affect my relationships, especially with my spouse. To get a basic understanding of these love languages, check out the video below of Gary Chapman himself. And of course, you can get a copy of the book to help you understand more 🙂
Relationships are somewhat like a recipe. You are an ingredient; your partner is an ingredient. The salad dressing is the conversation, the chocolate is your favourite memories as a couple and the salt and pepper are the emotions. Mixed together you all create an amazing meal. But what are the five ingredients for creating the perfect relationship?
1. Regular “couple time”
We all live busy lives and when we include our loved ones, it just gets busier. It takes good time management to live a good and yet still busy life. You have to make time for your loved ones to stay connected. You could either dedicate a date night or combine couple time with something else. Here is an idea… instead of rushing off to the gym or a run alone, make that your couple time. You are keeping fit while spending valuable time together.
2. Lose the expectations
Instead of depending on your partner for your happiness, depend on yourself. You won’t be around your partner all day. You have your own job. Your own friends, your own personality and your own world. This doesn’t mean that your partner can’t do something that makes you feel appreciated and loved, it just means that you will be okay when they shift their focus onto something else. This is realistic and gives your relationship the freedom it deserves. Your partner can’t be your band aid all of the time.
3. Nurture the ‘friend zone
Unlike its namesake, the friend zone can mean a great number of things. In a relationship, it is about nurturing your time as best friends. Like hanging out and having fun doing something you both enjoy. Every relationship begins on a friendship and if you’re stuck for ideas, try and remember what you did on your first lot of dates. Did you have a favourite restaurant? Did you go to a game? Or to a particular show? Cultivate your shared interests and go for it. Laugh hard and talk the night away.
4. Listen and respect each other
Really listen to what your partner is saying. That way you can both avoid some miscommunication. Take into account their feelings and respect them for it because everyone is entitled to feel how they really feel. If there’s something you’d like your partner to do, talk about it. But tell them, simply, directly and using kind words. Yelling out a demand can send the wrong message.
5. Steam up the windows
The bedroom is where you can express how you really feel about each other in the privacy of your own home. Is your love life lacking? If so, maybe you need some extra spicing to revive up the passion. For ideas, check out Naughty But Nice. They have a huge collection on toys and remedies you can use. Intimacy is all about being open to the point where you can share your entire self with your loved one without feeling insecure or ashamed.
Last night on live Philippine television, Kris Aquino told the whole country her heartbreak and woes about her ex-husband James Yap. Earlier that day, James Yap also had a press conference telling all who would listen his issues against his ex-wife. Both Kris and James also mentioned their care and concern for their son, Bimby, who is apparently at the center of their accusations and counter-accusations with each other.
Bimby is only 5 years old. How sad that the love story of his parents which did not work out is an open book to all. How sad indeed that the whole country and beyond would have to hear how bad the relationship between Kris and James had really been. Is there really no other resolution to all of their woes than to tell it to the media? How come their lawyers, family members, friends did not even counsel them to handle the issues between themselves privately?
I do not know whether Kris and James realize that when they hurt each other and say negative things about each other (and for the whole world to hear at that), it is Bimby, their son who is really hurt in the process. And that’s the saddest part of all.